Where would we be without authors? The answer, of course, is “Nowhere”, for without authors we would have nothing to read.
But let us now take a look at a typical author.
An author will use many tools in his trade: computers, paper, pens, and in some cases a hammer, chissel and slab of stone. But no matter what tools he uses in his daily toil, there is one thing that is common to all, and that is the Desk.
Every author has one, and these sacred items will be found in many shapes and forms. As far back as time will allow, authors have found the need for a flat surface on which to work. These “Desks” are always cluttered with writing tools, along with piles of paper, papyrus, or stone slabs ( depending on which era you belong ). There will also be found many strange items, in the form of good luck charms. These can be anything the Author likes, or believes in and can range from such divers items as: toy ducks, plastic dragons, small stones, and even in one case a “mystical toy helicopter” ( although why this was regarded as being mystical i do not know ).
As I have already mentioned, these “Desks” are very sacred to the Author, and must never be defiled by anyone. This includes the following few simple rules.
1: Do not move anything on the “Desk” as this will confuse the Author.
2: Do not attempt to clean the “Desk”, as this will not only confuse the author, but will create anger.
3: Do not draw little stick figures in the dust. This is not only unproductive, but also rather silly.
4: Never empty the waste bin underneath the “Desk”, as this is where the Author keeps his best work ( once he realises that is where he put it ).
5: If you find the “Desk unattended for any reason, do not sit at the keyboard and have a go at finishing the last sentence on the screen. The resulting family feud is not worth the bother.
6: Whatever you do… DO NOT unplug the computer to use the hoover. The screen may only be in sleep mode, and you may inadvertantly scrub many hours of hard work on the last two sentences ( these can never be replaced, as the Author will have forgoten what he wrote ).
7: And finally, if you do happen to accidently do any of the above, my advice to you is to pack your belongings immediately, and as quickly as you can and book yourself on the next flight out of the country. Do not attempt to return till you have seen the Author’s obituary posted in the local paper, and even then it will be important to remain in disguis as his family will remember you.
And so, always remember that throughout history the humble Author has sat at a “Desk”, quietly working away on his latest piece of work, for your enjoyment.
Happy reading everyone